“My life… my blood…”

It was the answer to the question everyone was asking back in the mid 1970s – how do you stage a terrorist atrocity to enable your political aim of bringing back capital punishment? The answer is not quite what you might expect – after all, terrorist atrocities were 10-a-penny back in those days, you’d assume that the simplest way would be to employ some mercenary to set off a bomb. But not if you’re Edward Langdon MP – who’s got a much better plan. He’s going to resurrect a random bloke from the grave, snog his face off and get him to do the dirty deed. Why? Ah, who cares. Because film. I dunno.

So here we are with Face Of Darkness, perhaps better described as “Granddad from Only Fools and Horses vs Mrs McCluskey from Grange Hill”. Or perhaps we’d better not call it that, because that description makes Face Of Darkness sound much more interesting than it actually is.

Yes! Face Of Darkness is that rarest of wonders, a sub one-hour film that is so tedious it is impossible to stay awake through. You’d imagine that 70s political machinations + graveyard resurrection + schoolyard explosion = something vaguely interesting, but no. The best thing about the entire thing is the exceptionally jolly introduction by makers Brent Walker. Funky dancing! Golf! Squash! Dog racing! Crash zooms! Trumpets! Do I want to be a member of the Brent Walker Group? Too bloody right I do!

Langdon is pursuing his political ideal with zeal, because his wife Sarah was killed by religious nuts, who cut her throat and drank her blood. Rather than cursing his bad luck, he’s thinking this may actually be a way forward – invoking the prince of darkness himself and using this evil spirit to help him achieve his ends.

So as we flash back and flash forward from initial sacrifice of bloke in ye olden days to resurrected bloke in ye longe hotte summere of 1976, and are introduced to Eileen (Gwyneth Powell) and assorted other cast members who confusingly exist in both timelines, it’s remarkable how little actually happens. Even the initial novelty of seeing Granddad Trotter not being Granddad Trotter outstays its welcome (disconcerting as it might be).

Long thought lost, Face Of Darkness did actually get a cinema run on its release, acting as a support feature. One can only assume that whatever film it preceded benefitted greatly by comparison, if the audience had managed to stay awake / not leave the cinema.