Tales From The Crypt
1972

Tales From The Crypt may be a groovy slice of 70s kitsch which makes you realise that Joan Collins was a bit of a babe once, but it's also a top notch Amicus anthology which nearly, but not quite, knocks Asylum and From Beyond The Grave off their perches as numeros uno and... erm.. duo.
Saucy Joan is a murderous strumpet who wallops her husband to death on Christmas Eve and is then besieged by a "homicidal maniac" dressed as Santa Claus. A philandering husband dies in a car crash - but doesn't know it yet. Peter Cushing is a kind-hearted old man (these days he would be accused of being a child molester) who is hounded to death by his horrid neighbours, only to exact a brutal revenge on them. A failed businessman dies in a crash, only to be brought back to life by his wife in an echo of the classic "Monkey's Paw" tale - the problem is, he's been embalmed already. And finally, the inmates of a home for the blind exact another "terrible revenge" on the evil manager of the home, involving hundreds of razor blades and a hungry alsation.
This is fantastic stuff, which never flags - and even has Ralph Richardson and the wonderful Geoffrey Bayldon playing cameo roles. Does it get better than this?
The Santa Claus scene is genuinely shocking (despite the inclusion of purple poster paint as blood - a bizarre choice if ever there was one), and as for the razor blade bit - I mean, what would you do? Chance your arm with a hungry alsation, or run pell-mell down a pitch-black corridor covered in nasty blades? And while we're on the subject, how did a bunch of blind men construct such a thing without severely injuring themselves? And where did they get the blades from?
The only gripe I have (you know there would have to be one, didn't you?) is that Ican't see why the poor old businessman gets it. All the others are bastards, but he doesn't seem to have done anything wrong - yet he's first condemned to eternal suffering as a chopped-to-bits unkillable (is that a word? It is now) zombie, and then he's the first to fall into the pits of hell. It just seems a bit unfair, that's all. Still, he's a bit of a fat oily sod, so perhaps that's the reason…

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Tales from the Crypt (1972)
Director: Freddie Francis Writer(s): Johnny Craig (comic book stories), Al Feldstein (comic book stories), William M. Gaines (comic book stories) (as Bill Gaines), Milton Subotsky
Cast: Joan Collins - Joanne Clayton (segment "All Through The House"), Peter Cushing - Arthur Edward Grimsdyke (segment "Poetic Justice"), Roy Dotrice - Charles Gregory (segment "Wish You Were Here"), Richard Greene - Ralph Jason (segment "Wish You Were Here"), Ian Hendry - Carl Maitland (segment "Reflection of Death"), Patrick Magee - George Carter (segment "Blind Alleys"), Barbara Murray - Enid Jason (segment "Wish You Where Here"), Nigel Patrick - Maj. William Rogers (segment "Blind Alleys"), Robin Phillips - James Elliott (segment "Poetic Justice"), Ralph Richardson - The Crypt Keeper, Geoffrey Bayldon - The Crypt Tour Guide, David Markham - Edward Elliott (segment "Poetic Justice"), Robert Hutton - Mr. Baker (segment "Blind Alleys"), Angie Grant - Susan Blake (segment "Reflection of Death"), Susan Denny - Mrs. Maitland (segment "Reflection of Death"), Manning Wilson - Vicar (segment "Blind Alleys"), Chloe Franks - Carol Clayton (segment "All Through The House"), Kay Adrian - Mrs. Davies (segment "Poetic Justice"), Carlos Baker - Mrs. Davies Son (segment "Poetic Justice"), Martin Boddey - Richard Clayton (segment "All Through The House"), Dan Caulfield - Postman (segment "Poetic Justice"), Melinda Clancy - Mrs. Carter (segment "Poetic Justice"), Paul Clere - Maitland's Son (segment "Reflection of Death"), Sharon Clere - Maitland's Daughter (segment "Reflection of Death"), Clifford Earl - Police Sergeant (segment "Reflection of Death"), Edward Evans - Councilman Ramsey (segment "Poetic Justice"), Frank Forsyth - Tramp (segment "Reflection of Death"), Peter Frazer Irene Gawre - Mrs. Phelps (segment "Poetic Justice"), George Herbert - Dad Greenwood (segment "Poetic Justice"), Harry Locke - Cook (segment "Blind Alleys"), Oliver MacGreevy - Maniac in Santa Suit (segment "All Through The House"), Stafford Medhurst - Mrs. Phelps' Son (segment "Poetic Justice"), Jayne Sofiano Peter Thomas - First Mortician (segment "Wish You Were Here"), Tony Wall - Male Attendant (segment "Blind Alleys"), Hedgar Wallace - Police Inspector, Bartlett Mullins - First Blind Man