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Madhouse
1974
"If stark terror were ecstasy
" claims the slightly over-the-top
poster for this little gem, "...living here would be sheer bliss!"
Not quite sure what they were getting at with that little tag line, but
although Madhouse doesn't really have a great deal of terror, there
are a few blissful moments - not least of which is one of the few chances
British horror cinema actually gave stars Cushing and Price to interact.
Price is horror movie star Paul Toombs (get it?) and Cushing is his writer.
Together they've created a film franchise based around the exploits of
a certain Dr Death (played by Toombs, being played by Price - keep up)
- a psychopath in skull-like face paint, whose raison d'etre is pretty
much glossed over throughout the film. He's a nutter, that's probably
all you need to know.
Madhouse begins with Toombs celebrating the fifth Dr Death film
with a party, when he also announces his forthcoming marriage to a busty
blonde. However, things go immediately pear-shaped when slimeball director
Robert Quarry arrives on the scene, introducing himself by sensitively
revealing to the star that his bride-to-be used to get 'em out in porn
films.
Toombs understandably chucks a mental at this, and his fiancée
runs off crying. She's immediately attacked by a nutter wearing black
gloves, and when Toombs eventually goes to find her an apologise, he discovers
she's lost her head (literally).
This leads to a mental breakdown from Toombs, who, when asked whether
he did it by a doctor, replies, "I
don't
know
"
Cut to the present day, and we find Quarry determined to lure Toombs back
to England to star in a new series of Dr Death films. "There's a
new cult today for Dr Death
and I've got him. I have got Dr Death!"
he exclaims in the kind of hammy way Quarry does so well.
Meanwhile, Toombs is on his way (by boat). He wakes up to find a young
girl (Linda Hayden) has somehow managed to get into his cabin, and leaps
up, revealing a rather fetching pair of pink jim-jams. She's an aspiring
starlet, and reckons the quickest way to get into films would be to latch
onto an ageing mental case with a history of alleged violence towards
women. Young girls, eh?
"Miss Peters," Toombs warns her. "As they say in horror
movies, you will come to a bad end
"
Giving her short shrift on arrival in port, Toombs goes to Cushing's house,
where he is welcomed back with open arms.
"You have been living in the coffin of the past
or the Toombs
of the past
for years," Cushing tells him. "Paul, I brought
you here to bring you back to life."
But Toombs reveals that he's not altogether happy about resurrecting his
greatest creation. "He terrifies me. I'm terrified of what he's done,
and I'm terrified of what he still may do
"
And it's not long before Dr Death (or someone pretending to be him, we
suspect) is up to his old tricks - Hayden has followed Price to Cushing's
house, and soon ends up with a pitchfork through the throat for her trouble.
Meanwhile Price has heard strange noises from the cellar, and investigates
only to find a bald Adrienne Corri down there, mucking about with spiders.
She's Cushing's wife, and once starred with Price in a Dr Death film.
She explains she was once pretty, before she started having affairs and
got badly burned in a car fire that was somehow related to her philandering
ways.
Hayden's body is found, and the police re-open their investigation into
the deaths surrounding Toombs (which seems to consist of them watching
old movies on a Super 8 projector - nice work if you can get it). Price
is also re-introduced to Quarry.
"I don't make that cheap crap any more, I'm in television,"
Quarry explains.
"I thought television was a family medium," replies Price. Ho,
ho ,ho.
Price ends up agreeing to the new Dr Death television series, but it immediately
doesn't live up to his expectations.
As more deaths occur (one in a gym, a double-impaling on a sword, a marvellous
bone-crushing four poster bed), Toombs begins to fear that perhaps he
is the murderer, actually telling police: "Is it me? I don't know.
Do you?" and then rather brilliantly finishing this little almost-confession
with "You can't keep me here, you know!"
Madhouse is top-notch 70s nonsense, with everyone hamming it up
for the cameras. Price is endearingly nutty throughout the film, although
it's hard to see how this dreadfully over-the-top old luvvy can be the
same person who made Witchfinder General
- especially during his delivery of the line: "Now I must play the
final scene
the death of Dr Death!"
There are some lovely cameos by the likes of Hayden, and most bizarrely,
Michael Parkinson ("Who's he?" asks Toombs) nearly 20 years
before he really scared the crap out of everyone in Ghostwatch.
And in a true piece of cheapo moviemaking, Madhouse claims to star
both Basil Rathbone and Boris Karloff - although they get round this by
showing clips from Toombs' (ie Price's) back catalogue of films, including
Masque Of The Red Death and The Raven.
There's also some suitably bizarre touches - Price insists on carrying
a full candelabra to light his way around the house (come to think of
it - mid 1970s - power cuts), and you've got to love any film being made
within a film which has full working props (the bed which crushes the
unfortunate studio worker to death). There's also those final scenes -
with a character actually stepping out of the cinema screen, and the ultimate
in Brit horror crossovers, Cushing and Price appearing on-screen in the
same place at the same time. Don't believe me? It's a cracker. As is Madhouse
itself, in all its not-scary, camp deliciousness.
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