Dead Man's Shoes
The Last Horror Movie
Shaun Of The Dead
The Weekend Murders
Kiss Of The Vampire
The Devil's Men
Three Cases Of Murder
Darklands
O Lucky Man

The films

Abominable Dr Phibes - Dracula Prince Of Darkness | Earth Dies Screaming - The Mutations
The Night Digger - Xtro

The Abominable Doctor Phibes
Mad musician rises from dead to exact bloody revenge
 
Alien
Man in wetsuit roams rusty spaceship, hoiking luckless American actors out of frame, whilst John Hurt gets the worst case of gutrot ever.
 
Aliens
Lots of men in wetsuits roam old power station and attempt to hoik American actors out of frame, but this time come up against a variety of guns, bombs, man-birds and fork-lift trucks
 
The Amazing Mr Blunden
Some kids are in trouble - 100 years ago. Send for the Railway Children!
 
An American Werewolf In London
You really scared us, you shit head
 
~~And Now The Screaming Starts
Eye eye, that's handy
 
The Asphyx
Idiot manages to bump off practically entire family in his quest for ultimate life and quality photos
 
Asylum 1972
Confused doc tries to pick out real nutter from a number of very likely candidates
 
The Asylum 2000
The loo-natics... have taken over the Asy-lum... This town, ooh-ohh, is comin' like a ghost town, ooh-ohh... Yup, even listening to crappy old 80s songs would be a better use of your time than watching Mower, Pitt and Askwith embarass themselves
 
The Awakening
Charlton Heston fails to keep vest on in dreadful, boring, tedious non-mummy extravaganza
 
Baffled!
Highly illogical nonsense as a certain pointy-eared ugly mug attempts to get into English Rose's M&S undies
 
Barry Mackenzie Holds His Own
Lord of the undead kidnaps Aunt Edna - Barry to the rescue!
 
The Beast Must Die
Big game hunter takes on furry foe and assorted red herrings
 
The Beast In The Cellar
Old dears keep brother locked in cellar - unsuccessfully
 
Bizarre (Secrets Of Sex)
Bandaged misery-guts gives view of relationships through the ages, mostly involving either big boobs or nasty death (sometimes both)
 
The Black Torment
Mad twin used in nefarious plan to cheat heir out of fortune
Bloodbath At The House Of Death
Vincent! Would you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Blood From The Mummy's Tomb
Busty Princess returns from the dead in body of equally busty modern bird
Blood On Satan's Claw
Twisted furry tale as teens grow hair in all the wrong places
The Bride
Hammer gets an 80s makeover in this pop-video retelling of a certain classic tale. Sounds interesting? Beware - it has Sting and David Rappaport in it (and you thought such things were against the law...)
Brides Of Dracula
Dracula's out for the Count (geddit?) - but others live on in his place
Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter
Gallumphing hero gallumphs across the British countryside - picking up tarts, offing vampires and burying toads with equal precision.
The Cat And The Canary
There's a fortune to be had if brave blonde can surviv the attentions of her family, an escaped nutter and assorted peril
Cat Girl
Feisty young tart not feline fine
Children Of The Damned
Too-clever-by-half brats get what's coming to them after doing us all a favour and killing off a load of politicians.
 
Circus Of Horrors
Busty beauties abound after plastic surgeon sets up sexy circus
 
City Of The Dead
Welcome to the (horror) hotel Whitewood... you can check out, but you'll never leave
 
A Clockwork Orange
Bonkers teen rampage cut short by eye opening psychiatric techniques
The Comeback
Crooner's comeback special ruined by brutal dismembering of annoying wife and cross-dressing psycho shenanigans.
The Company Of Wolves
Poncy art-house shenanigans mixed with 80s sensibilities and dodgy old boiler's take on fairy tales equals unintelligible mess
The Corpse
Daddy returns from the dead. Or something. Chris scratches head and tries to work out what just happened...
Corridors Of Blood
Not-so brilliant surgeon tests dodgy home made anaesthetic on himself. At home. Alone.
Corruption
Plastic surgeon slices, dices, hacks and mutilates a variety of 60s dollybirds in his attempt to help the missus keep face in front of the neighbours
Countess Dracula
Dodgy old boiler comes up with alternative to Botox. Also, is not related to Dracula. At all.
Cover Girl Killer
Killer dons wig and glasses and sets out to recreate covers of his favourite jazz mag
Craze
Camp antiques dealer strangles, stabs, burns and jumps-out-of-cupboards-at women of all varieties (not just dollybirds)
The Creeping Flesh
Baldy scientist inadvertantly awakens huge evil monster by spilling water on it
Crescendo
Stef Powers loses her composure but finds a composer (she's gaw-geous, by the way)
Crucible Of Terror
Bonkers artist runs amok with molten metal
Cry Of The Banshee
With all that witch ignition, someone forgot to keep an eye out for werewolves
Curse Of Frankenstein
It comes to something when you can create life with your bare hands but can't shoot a shambling monster from less than six feet away...
The Curse Of The Crimson Altar
Green Goddess gives up early morning TV workouts and takes to appearing in drug fuelled visions
Curse Of The Mummy's Tomb
Be-bandaged Egyptian prince goes on rampage
Curse Of The Werewolf
The unluckiest woman alive gets a Christmas present - a homicidal wolf-boy son. Cheers
Darklands
Sweary Welsh version of a certain classic film involving a man... made of wicker
Dead Of Night
Post-war party ruined by morbid dream fanatic with bad hair and tweed jacket
The Deadly Bees
Cross-eyed bint attacked by not-scary insects
Death Is A Number
Dashed queer story about a chap whose best mucker is cursed by the number nine
Death Line
Cannibals lurk in the shadows whilst police search for decent cuppa
Demons Of The Mind
The family Zorn - a happy tale of suicide, child abuse, mental instability, cannibalism, incest, ritual killing, dodgy psychiatric techniques, village idiocy, and that bloke from Manfred Mann.
The Devil Rides Out
Young buck needs friends' help when he succumbs to the pleasures of the dark arts
The Devils
Horny priest ends up at the sharp end of radical church reformation. And naked nuns - wahey!
The Devil's Men
Saucy sacrificial shenanigans with Father Ted lookalike and a depressed-looking Peter Cushing
Die Monster Die!
Gardener uses glowing meteorite to further his horticultural hi-jinks
Dr Jekyll And Sister Hyde
Lank haired fop achieves every man's dream - his own pair of breasts to play with whenever he likes
Dr Phibes Rises Again
More nasty surprises for the innocent as bonkers bloke looks for the secret of eternal life
Don't Look Now
Couple aim to forget daughter's drowning by moving to Venice - a city full of water
Don't Open Till Christmas
Santa Claus is coming... to town, where he's going to get his nob chopped off
Dracula
Hammer carefully throw Stoker's book out the window after 10 minutes. Great.
Dracula AD1972
Unadulterated shite from the house of Hammer
Dracula Has Risen From The Grave
Baldy vicar inadvertantly awakens the lord of the vampires by spilling blood on him
Dracula - Prince Of Darkness
Fat monk takes on the forces of darkness
Dream Demon
Geordie crooner and greasy Brummie terrorise Sloane with renditions of "Crocodile Shoes" and tales of working with Mike Leigh
Dust Devil
Demon stalks the desert, chopping off fingers and stuffing clocks into people willy-nilly
The Earth Dies Screaming
Robot aliens stalk the streets - what's left of mankind retires to the pub
Endless Night
Whodunnit? The nutty chauffeur, the psychotic German bimbo, the money-grabbing cad etcetera...
 
Expose
Fun in the cornfields of Norfolk with Udo, Linda, Fiona and the "Flash Liquid" bloke
 
Eye Of The Devil
Moustachioed baron takes to witchcraft to save grape harvest
Fear In The Night
Already nervous young bride fit for nothing after a few hours in haunted prep school
The Fiend
Strange young man tries to show wanton women the path to righteousness by moving them closer to God.
Fiend Without A Face
Infected spinal columns go on the rampage in spooky 50s premonition of 80s CJD epidemic
Flesh And Blood Show
Lots of flesh but no blood in dimly lit whodunnit.
The Flesh And The Fiends
Burke the berk and Hare.. the hairy one decide that already-dead isn't paying the rent, snatch-wise
Fragment Of Fear
Junkie treads on a few toes as he attempts to unravel the mystery of Aunt Lucy's death
Frankenstein And The Monster From Hell
Baron attempts to create lucid being by stitching together assorted mentalists
Frankenstein Created Woman
Frankenstein doesn't create any women at all, but does succeed in boring us all shitless, in dull but worthy exercise in how not to make a horror film.
Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed
Nobody wins and everyone dies when Baron Victor carries on his head-swapping activities
Fright
Busty teen babysits in house targetted by nutter
Frightmare
Daughter of cannibal takes on family tradition
From Beyond The Grave
Shoplifters beware - we kill people in this shop
The Frozen Dead
Nazis on ice! And not the latest comeback from Torvill and Dean, either
The Ghoul 1933
Karloff rises from the dead through the power of bushy eyebrows
The Ghoul 1975
Tango man despatches annoying hooray Henrys
The Godsend
Toddler in fright wig lays waste to mainly ginger family
Goodbye Gemini
Nutty twins take apart swinging London
Gorgo
Rubbery monster with bad case of post natal depression lays waste to Tower Bridge, Big Ben and a bunch of teddy boys. Luckily, the River Patrol are on hand to do precisely nothing.
 
The Gorgon
Snakes alive! Barbara "you would, wouldn't you" Shelley turns into a ten-pinter, and there's no alcohol to numb the pain
 
Gothic
Byron, Shelley and co muck about a bit
 
Grip Of The Strangler
Isn't it always the way? You spend your entire life investigating a serial killer, only to find out that you're him! Typical...
Hands Of The Ripper
Isn't it always the way? You spend your entire life trying to psychoanalyse nutters, only to find out you've accidentally invited Jack The Ripper to stay in your home! Typical...
Hardware
You naughty rubbish! Potential ashtray goes on the rampage. Many people die messily
Haunted
Confused-looking American gets more puzzled as all is not as it seems at local nuthouse, but is cheered up slightly by saucy posh totty.
Haunted House Of Horror
Groovy kids (who frankly deserve it) get messily murdered in humdrum whodunnit
The Haunting
The scariest film ever made. That's it - no funny comments
Hellraiser
Kinky demons pop up like magic upon the solving of an ancient Rubik's Cube
Hellraiser 2 - Hellbound
See above, but with the nastiness notched up. You can keep that mattress, love
Holocaust 2000
Kirk Douglas shows his arse when told that his son might be responsible for the end of the world (kids, eh?)
Horror Express
Cushing and Lee go head to head with brain-sucking alien fiend and assorted dubbed Spaniards. The horror, the horror.
Horror Hospital
Doctor's radical health programme will leave you feeling... nothing at all
Horror Of Frankenstein
Oh, dear.
Horrors Of The Black Museum
Psycho sends out silver-faced servant to slice, dice and generally act the fool
Hound Of The Baskervilles
Pete n' Dud go Jewish and Welsh (respectively) in hilarious Holmes send-up complete with pissing dog routine
The House In Nightmare Park
Oo, no stoppit. Oaf find out he's heir to a fortune... please yerselves
House Of Mortal Sin
Episode of Father Ted goes horribly wrong
House Of The Long Shadows
Horror luminaries Cushing, Lee, Carradine, Price and Peasgood come together in haunted house shocker with crap ending.
House Of Whipcord
Couple take Neighbourhood Watch one stage too far
The House That Dripped Blood
Charming proposition, beautiful outlook, many previous owners, all met grisly deaths at the hands of assorted psychos...
Hysteria
I've forgotten my name! Who am I? Where am I? What's happened to the plot? Don't ask me, I've forgotten...
I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle
Brummie git purchases blood-fuelled two wheeled vehicle
I Don't Want To Be Born
Stripper gives birth to devil child
I, Monster
Doctor turns tables on Oil of Olay and produces uglifying potion
Incense For The Damned
Short break in Greece ruined by vampires (as usual)
Inseminoid
Pregnant woman on cannibalistic rampage
Invasion
Dastardly orientals come down from space and muck about with the temperature. Again.
Island Of Terror
Bone eating carpets on the attack
It!
Enormous statue lumbers about a bit. Artillery as effective as "pea-shooter". Oh-oh
Killer's Moon
It's Carry On Clockwork Orange! No, really - it is. If you leave this website only wanting to watch one film, make it this one...
Kiss Of The Vampire
More vampire nonsense from Hammer - but classy stuff, none the less
Konga
Enormous ape takes in the sights. Gets crap blow out of it. The end.
Lair Of The White Worm
Nun rapings, strap-ons, thigh-high boots and bagpipes. Old Bram must be turning in his grave...
The Land That Time Forgot
Enormous bendy rubbery dinosaurs ahoy! This looks like a job for that bloke who you might remember from those films...
The Legend Of Hell House
Group spend night in the "Mount Everest of Haunted Houses". Hope someone remembered the crampons.
The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires
Chop socky action ensues when Dracula departs for Eastern climes
Legend Of The Werewolf
Werewolf? There, wolf. Well, a bloke with a white wig on and some Dracula fangs, anyway
Lifeforce
Naked busty vampire stalks streets of London town
Link
Unfinished monkey business up at t'old manor
The Living Dead At The Manchester Morgue
Shady-looking coves run amok in the Lake District, munching on locals and paella in equal measure
London Voodoo
A spot of cellar renovation leads to mum going a bit voodoo-lally
The Lost Continent
Insanely over-ambitious soap opera cum dinosaur flick cum sci fi epic cum boob olympics cum kitchen sink farrago from Hammer
Lust For A Vampire
Rug-munching antics ahoy when nubile vampire ends up at girls' finishing school
Macbeth
Brush up on 'O' Level English and watch some extreme violence at the same time
Madhouse
Old horror star finds out television comeback won't be as easy as thought
Maniac
Dad's revenge on pervert using blowtorch leads to prison break shenanigans
Masque Of The Red Death
"Swinging" party cut short by the arrival of Death (as usual).
The Mind Of Mr Soames
Chap wakes up after 30 years and finds himself at the centre of media scrummage
The Monster Club
Get down and groove with BA Robertson and The Pretty Things. Oh, the horror
 
The Mummy
Strong, silent type in patio door-shattering revenge trip
 
The Mummy's Shroud
These Egyptologists do tend to bring it on themselves
Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny And Girly
Psychotic strumpet in too-small school uniform brings home the wrong type of "friend".
The Mutations
Ugly bloke kidnaps buxom students for horticultural hi-jinks
Night, After Night, After Night
Mentalist goes on the rampage in sunny Soho. Many women jiggle their knockers
The Night Caller
Randy alien has designs on our women, the swine
The Nightcomers
Mucky Marlon and saucy Steph get it on - won't someone please think of the children?
The Night Digger
Young nut makes himself at home and starts bumping off the local totty.
 
Night Of The Big Heat
Glowing alien jellies bring freak weather conditions
Night Of The Demon
Cynical prof gets more than his house redecorated when he takes part in Changing Runes
Night Of The Eagle
College prof refuses to believe his wife is a witch
Night Train To Murder
Morecambe & Wise play all the right horror notes - but not necessarily in the right order. I'll give you that, sunshine
O Lucky Man!
Mad scientist scene gets overlong modern fable a place on the site
The Omen
Why Mister Ambassador, by bringing on the end of the world you're really spoiling us...
Paperhouse
Scary moments afoot when young girl's drawings start coming to life
Paranoiac
There's a fortune to be had by the one sane member of the family, but which one is it?
Peeping Tom
Scooter boy and pornographer gives up lucrative TV chef deal and starts killing annoying women
Persecution
Pussies galore when mad old mum and her pet cats make son's life a misery
Phantom Of The Opera
Boring old story livened up by sparkling bit part performances and the always-helps-make-a-film inclusion of a psychotic dwarf.
 
A Place Of One's Own
Young lady plagued by ghost of her predecessor and appalling Northern accent from supposedly talented thesp
 
Plague Of The Zombies
Cornish landowner with interesting answer to labour shortage problem
Prey
Dog-faced alien decides to add lesbians to his menu
Psychomania
Hell's angels come back from the dead to terrorise home counties
Quatermass And The Pit
Long -dead aliens still causing trouble in 60s London
Quatermass 2
Drunk American investigates dodgy goings-on up at t'old synthetic foodstuffs factory
 
Quatermass X-periment
Vegetable on the loose - drunk American gets annoyed
 
Rasputin - The Mad Monk
Ra - ra - Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine. There was a cat who really was gone, I can tell you
Rawhead Rex
Begorrah! There's a demon in the potato field - again.
The Reptile
Big snake stalks Cornish village
Repulsion
French hairdresser ditches the "ooh, la-la"s and goes for the "meep berrr spling ker-ding"s
Revenge Of Frankenstein
Baron avoids chop and sets up surgery in nearby town
The Satanic Rites Of Dracula
Dracula arrives in 70s Britain and takes steps to wipe out everyone
Satan's Slave
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa
Saturn 3
Big bad robot runs amok when fail to get in Farrah Fawcett's knickers. We've all been there...
Scars Of Dracula
Typically ugly 1970s male romantic lead has rogering antics curtailed by meat hook when he Carries On up at Dracula's castle.
Schizo
Pert young ice skater plagued by granite-faced bloke wearing red bobble hat and carrying machete.
Scream And Scream Again
Mad doctor goes bonkers and starts creating superhuman nutters in the crazy late 60s, man.
Screamtime
It's a Briddish movie, you can tell by de way dey tawk
Shaun Of The Dead
Had your Fulci of zombie flicks? Let Shaun and his cricket bat revitalise your taste for undead bufoonery
The Secret Of Seagull Island
Nutcase lures blind girls back to his lair for some reason or other
See No Evil
Mia Farrow finds lack of eyesight a hinderance when threatened by cowboy boot-wearing nutter
The Shout
Game of cricket enlivened by tales of shouting and the occasional bolt of lightning
The Shuttered Room
The old "something in the attic" routine gets a liberal dose of HP (Lovecraft) sauce
Slayground
American thief pursued by spooky American hitman through the mean streets of Southport (yes, you heard correctly)
The Sorcerers
Angry young man made angrier by angry old people
Spectre
Holmes and Watson get a 70s twist in a tale of black magic, demons and turtle necked sweaters
Split Second
Cop-on-the-edge and rookie sidekick take on Satan in amusing Terminator-on-a-shoestring cum Beverly Hills Cop rip-off
Straw Dogs
Spectacled nerd takes on farming types with shotgun and feisty wife
Take An Easy Ride
Tales of woe on the road. Oh, and mini-skirts. Lots of 'em
Tales From The Crypt
Nasty people take shortcut straight to hell - literally
Tales That Witness Madness
Donald Pleasance gives us a tour around his asylum, and Joan Collins gets out-acted by a tree (again)
Talos The Mummy
Londoners flee in terror from pile of used masking tape...
Taste The Blood Of Dracula
Everyone's favourite blood sucking fiend takes revenge on a trio of Edwardian tossers when they refuse to drink his blood.
10, Rillington Place
Maniac slaphead shenanigans as Christie gets jiggy with his home-made anaesthetic
 
Terror
It's a sentient celluloid slashathon (try saying that after 10 pints)
Theatre Of Blood
Brush-up your Shakespeare, and chop-up some critics...
Theatre Of Death
Grand Guignol taken to logical extremes by vampiric nut with a knife
These Are The Damned
Radioactive children kept hidden from swinging 60s Britain
Three Cases Of Murder
At last! It's The Scariest Film Ever Made™
Torture Garden
All aboard... a-one more-a time... catch a duck and win a prize... die horribly... etc
To The Devil... A Daughter
Nun on the run
Tower Of Evil
Sexy antics ahoy in adult version of children's classic puppet serial "The Adventures Of Portland Bill"
Twins Of Evil
They're twins - of course at least one of them's evil!
The Uncanny
Pussies galore - but cat's your lot, I'm afraid.
Unearthly Stranger
Aliens who look good in a twin set and pearls and can cook a mean casserole - bring on the invasion...
Vampire Circus
Just the thing to cheer up a town ravaged by plague - a dwarf, a chimp, a tiger and a psychopathic revenge-obsessed David Essex look-alike half man half vampire half panther.
The Vampire Lovers
Busty wench, not averse to removing clothes, preys on other busty wenches of a similar persuasion. Enough said.
The Vault Of Horror
Come on come on come on, el-e-vate me, higher pleee-ease....
Venom
Bungled kidnapping stopped before it starts by feisty snake
Village Of The Damned
Spooky children run amok after sleepy village gets sleepier
Virgin Witch
Tits and bums a-plenty in not-very-erotic revue
The Weekend Murders
Murder on the golf course. Bloody foreigners.
The Wicker Man
Police officer looking for missing girl meets famous interviewer. That can't be right.
The Wisdom Of Crocodiles
Mutant reptile on the loose in London? If only... Jude Law wanders about a bit. Ooh, terrifying.
The Witches
Less scary than Miss Marple... that's these witches
Witchfinder General
Vincent Price refuses to camp it up in bleak Civil War revenge drama (well you try writing something funny about it)
Xtro
80s, we're living in the 80s, when disgusting extra terrestrial rapes and births were ten-a-penny...