Birds

Once again, ladies, sorry for the phrasing. But it has to be said that in the end, that's what they were.

Yes, for a moment put aside (if you can) thoughts of Joan Crawford in The Witches, Beryl Reid in The Beast In The Cellar, and Thora Hird in The Nightcomers.

Their turn on this site will come, oh yes, you can be in no doubt about that. But they were old, and they weren't the reason your average hot blooded male turned up at the cinema in his long mac (well not for most of them, anyway).

I'm here to talk about those leggy lovelies who spent more time out of their bras than burning them, who weren't averse to jumping into a bath rather than making any kind of effort to escape the approaching danger... you know the ones.

Oh yes, and the wonderful Sheila Keith, just because she may have been pensionable, but she was terrifying...

Below you'll find a selection of lovelies for your perusal.

Back to actors main page | Blokes

Candace Glendenning The bizarrely monickered, high cheekboned, Sophie Ellis Bextor lookalike Glendenning got 'em out in three top 70s slashathons - there are few moments where she's actually got 'em covered in Tower Of Evil (although she "doesn't do it", apparently), in The Flesh And Blood Show she may get 'em out (it's a very murky film), and I've no idea what happens in Satan's Slave because tracking it down is proving an impossible task, but judging by the other films by the same producer, it's a sure bet there's a bit of flange on view...
Caroline Munro Olive skinned, long-leggedy professional bikini wearer Munro was apparently spotted on a poster for Lamb's Navy Rum, back in the days when a huge pair of sweaty tanned melons was all you needed to sell anything at all, and the world of advertising hadn't even discovered the word "irony". Perhaps surprisingly, she never, ever, showed more than a great deal of leg and a huge expanse of cleavage - keeping to her own strict "no nudity" rule. Good for her, I say, although what the spotty hand shandy brigade have to say on the subject I have no idea. Although admittedly decorative in photos, she can only really be appreciated on film - the world of Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter is a considerably brighter place thanks to her dancing tart. She dies far too early in Dracula AD72 (probably explaining why the film's so shite), still shines despite her non-speaking role in The Abominable Dr Phibes, and battles against inanity as a non-stripping stripper in the indescribable I Don't Want To Be Born. Sadly, my hormones got the better of me whilst tracking down pictures of Miss Munro (now officially my favourite, sorry Val). If you click on the "oops, forgotten my top again" picture to the right, you'll find a few more pictures...
Valerie Leon Pneumatic Val only appeared in one genre film, but who cares? If it gives me an excuse to stick more pictures of her on the site, I'll wax lyrical about her for a couple of paragraphs… More immediately recognisable as Bernard Breslaw's caterpillar-into-butterfly wife in Carry On Girls (I quite fancied her with the glasses on, actually), or the haughty tribe leader in Carry On Up The Jungle, or a leather-clad, whip-wielding prostitute in the one trouser-troubling moment in the whole of the insipid No Sex Please We're British, Val was also the Hai Karate girl, apparently. In Blood From The Mummy's Tomb she appears not once, but twice - as both long-dead amputee Queen Tera and the floaty-nightie wearing, slightly rudely named Margaret Fuchs. Lusted after by her dad (don't blame him), possessed by an ancient spirit and saddled with an annoying boyfriend, she just sticks her chest out and gets on with it. Let's all take a moment and think about it. Ah… Download your own Val wallpaper - click here
Veronica Carlson Probably a bit more meaty than today's tastes would cater for, the impressively gazonga'd Miss Carlson popped up (but never out) in a couple of Hammers during the late 60s, after making her debut (apparently) in the yawn-athon The Vengeance Of She. As rooftop daredevil Maria she was used and abused by a certain vampire Count in Dracula Has Risen From The Grave, she was brutally raped by Cushing's Baron in Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed, and then ignored by Bates' Baron in Horror Of Frankenstein (the fool preferred Kate O'Mara's more cantilevered knockers).
Britt Ekland Lovely Britt has assured her place in the Brit Horror hall of fame for whapping her pert puppies out during the frankly hilarious seduction scene in The Wicker Man. As landlord's daughter Willow in Anthony Schaffer's comedy musical - ahem, I mean brilliantly conceived horror film - she not only had her Teutonic voice dubbed, but even had an arse double. Why, we ask, was she perfectly happy to wander around topless but refused point blank to drop 'em for the cameras? The answer is probably too horrible to contemplate. As Charlotte Rampling's annoying other half Lucy in Asylum she irritates for all the wrong reasons, but not enough to ruin the film.
Jenny Agutter Ah, Jenny. Despite only appearing in An American Werewolf In London, she gets a place on the site purely because. I mean, just look at her. In American Werewolf she wears a nurses uniform, jumps into the shower at the drop of a towel, and is remarkably forgiving of her lycanthropic boyfriend. If there is such a thing as a perfect woman, there she is. Plus that green dress she wears in Logan's Run (not a horror film, or British, unfortunately, otherwise the site would be groaning under the weight of more photos) was responsible for kick-starting my puberty and still does strange things to me.
Julie Ege Regular readers of this site will know I have little time for Miss Ege's acting "talents", and frankly her apparent ability with firearms and skis impresses me not one jot. In The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires her Nordic skin has taken a bit of a pounding from the Hong Kong sun and she looks like a low-rent Bo Derek, but dodgy accent and wooden performances aside, you can't deny she's a looker. Plus she usually meets with a sticky end before she can ruin the films too much. The poor love gets her head shoved into a boiler in Craze, gets fed to a plant in The Mutations, and probably got eaten by a pterodactyl in one of those shitty Hammer dinosaur flicks (I've never managed to sit through a whole one).
Kate O'Mara More famous now for sunbathing topless in freezing conditions on top of a ferry for British "what were they thinking?" soap-on-a-boat Triangle, feline foxtress O'Mara and her remarkably buoyant knockers kept many a Hammer baddie happy by being the constantly savaged/ravaged servant girl in a variety of 70s Gothics. Her "use me and abuse me" approach and low-cut tops saw her bedded and then chucked to one side by Ralph Bates in Horror Of Frankenstein, and rug-munched into oblivion by Ingrid Pitt in The Vampire Lovers.
Linda Hayden Nymphet jailbait Hayden may have only shed her clothes in the name of "art", but it seems no-one bothered to tell her what "art" was. She gets 'em off in a church in Blood On Satan's Claw, she has trouble keeping 'em on in the tawdry Expose, and only a sticky end involving a pitchfork stopped her from removing 'em in Madhouse. In Taste The Blood Of Dracula it appears she forewent the blood and moved straight on to tasting most of the pies, but come the 70s she's a much more attractive proposition. Luckily, she stopped doing what she spent most of Expose doing before it made her go blind (I would imagine).
Judy Geeson She may have bravely bared all when she really shouldn't have in the thoroughly distasteful "looks like your mate's mum being rogered by a plastic hose on a disco dancefloor" epic Inseminoid, but when she was a mere slip of a girl (and before the onslaught of the 1980s, when everyone looked old), she brightened up classics like Hammer's Fear In The Night, 10 Rillington Place, and Doomwatch.
Stephanie Beacham You may think she had one shot at the Brit scream queen crown (and failed miserably) when she landed the role of Jessica Van Helsing in Dracula AD72, but before she cleaned up as a Dynasty bitch in the 80s, her career was as seedy as any Pitt or George. As Jessica she may well have been rubbish, but she does lend an air of haughty gravitas to stuff like House Of Mortal Sin, Schizo and Inseminoid. Plus she looks absolutely gorgeous in ~~And Now The Screaming Starts. There's also the small matter of The Nightcomers, in which, if some photos are to be believed, our Steph ends up completely starkers and indulges in some kinky S&M sessions. "Where can I get a copy?" you may well be asking. But before you part with your hard-earned, be warned. The full-on steaminess is conducted with none other than the monumentally overrated Marlon Brando, who by this time had taken it upon himself to purge the land of all its spare pies.
Susan George Gap-toothed gipsy and one-time Prince Charles popsy Susan George was a mainstay of the Brit Horror scene in the early 70s, cropping up (and popping out) in Straw Dogs, Fright, and Die Screaming Marianne (in which she performs a rather fantastic dance routine as the credits roll). Film directors seemed to have trouble getting her to keep her top on, which was no way for our prospective Queen to behave. These days she can be seen in Eastenders, having been replaced, Stepford Wives-style, in the Brit Horror universe by the strangely similar Susan Penhaligan some time in 1974 (Penhaligan crops up in former George-svengali Pete Walker's House Of Mortal Sin).
Yutte Stensgaard If Ingrid Pitt brought a feeling of icy detachment to the role of Carmilla in The Vampire Lovers (it's called under acting, actually), Ms Stensgaard took it one stage further with her doleful shenanigans. Somehow looking quite fetching with a bucket of blood tipped over her, the flaxen haired minx is so detached in Lust For A Vampire she could well be acting in a different film. Whether her cross-eyed grimace repeated at orgasm and then again upon climactic staking is a work of genius or just because she forgot to wear her reading glasses is up to you. She also briefly crops up in the rather wonderful Scream And Scream Again as an ill-fated (and entirely gratuitous) saucy hiker.
Ingrid Pitt Okay so she can't act and in The Vampire Lovers she actually looks older than her mum (but that could be a vampire thing, if you're going to over analyse this stuff), but Ms Pitt's impact on the Brit Horror scene can't really be overlooked. Her monosyllabic turn opposite Eastwood and Burton in Where Eagles Dare was enough to get her the part of Carmilla in Lovers, and from then on it was a fast rise to Britain's premier scream queen. It probably didn't hurt that she was prepared to get 'em out when on-screen nudity was still in its infancy, too. There wouldn't be much of a film left if her baps weren't on show in Countess Dracula, after all. More premier Pitt moments occur in The Wicker Man and The House That Dripped Blood, although it has to be said that she remains fully clothed throughout both.
Barbara Shelley After exposing far more flesh than can possibly have been strictly legal in her debut Cat Girl, Babs (as I like to call her) went on to become a Brit Horror stalwart. Unfortunately, because she never got 'em out (which was unfortunate in itself), her name as the premier scream queen of the 60s has been eclipsed by Pitt and her showy topless ilk. Babs highlights include her exuding icy calm in Dracula - Prince Of Darkness, tweedy calm in Village Of The Damned, and more tweedy calm in Quatermass And The Pit. She also becomes a redhead in The Gorgon. Rrrrrr.
Madeleine Smith Forget Ingrid Pitt - the real star of Vampire Lovers is the doe eyed victim of the piece, Madeleine Smith. How Pitt can possibly do anything nasty to such a pale, trusting, soft spoken creature is beyond me. Plus she's got enormous knockers. Ms Smith also considerably brightens up Theatre Of Blood, Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell and Taste The Blood Of Dracula.
Joan Collins She may be restricted to appearing on the GMTV sofa these days, but once upon a time our Joan was a mainstay of classic Brit Horror. Whether clouting her hubbie over the head with a poker and coming to a sticky end in Tales From The Crypt, or taking pot shots at Judy Geeson in Fear In The Night, Joan always delivered. Other hilights include a stripper with the worst case of post natal depression ever in I Don't Want To Be Born, and the woman replaced by a tree (oh, the irony) in the truly, truly bad Tales That Witness Madness.
Sheila Keith After a career of playing mumsy, cardigan wearing types, Sheila was picked by exploitation auteur Pete Walker to appear as the chief prison warder in House Of Whipcord - a character so mean she makes The Freak in Cell Block H look like the Queen Mum. Far from balking at this radical change in career path, the silver haired Scot appeared to revel in it, going on to steal scenes as a cannibal fortune teller in Frightmare, a one-eyed murderous housekeeper in House Of Mortal Sin, a barking mad bereaved mum in The Comeback, and another sinister housekeeper in House Of The Long Shadows. Her performance in Frightmare would, if they ever do such a thing, win her some kind of Brit horror "Best Actor" Oscar. The woman is quite simply astounding as the soft spoken granny/rabid drill-wielding nutter.
Jenny Hanley One for sorrow, two for joy, went the song at the beginning of Magpie, which is where you might remember Miss Hanley from if you're a certain age. It was certainly "two for joy" when she chose to join the Pete Walker topless parade in The Flesh And Blood Show (it's brief and murky, but that's what your pause button was invented for). There's a fair amount of Jenny's cleavage on show in Scars Of Dracula, too - yet for some reason, Christopher Lee's more bothered about the jewellry she's wearing. Strange bloke.